A Life Conflicted

As I fight to remain healthy in body and spirit, my mind is playing a game in telling me that perhaps now as my body is fighting again another self inflicted disease, perhaps the best days are behind me. I’m not one to give up and as I write this it all seems very, very pathetic.  I guess being repeatedly reminded of how much control I don’t have over my own body makes me angry and feeling helpless.  And the fact that I may be doing something unintentionally to hurt it simply lays me on my ass – I believe myself to be a part of the conscious realm of life and not unconscious.  But apparently I’m not.